Yes that's right, I am here and you are not. Being the uber carbon bike porn I am openly mocking you from the stratospheric high horse I place myself on.
Of course its not all easy out here, being ineffectively pushed around by the fat man is the price I have to pay for such surroundings. As if his useless pedaling wasn't enough, he's been eating pain killers like smarties for what appears to be a scratch on his knee. Idiot. What he fails to realise is that I engineered his 'accident' on the mountain. Having had to sit there and watch as the bikes with springs and knobbly tyres got all the action, I decided enough was enough. As I actually command the weather and elements (being a demi god) I forced him to fall off.
To make matters worse here I was pushed over today and my aero bar cracked by some daft cow. No idea who she is, but I think it's only right she snap a finger off. Eye for an eye and all that. I think she races bikes with knobbly tyres, which aren't bikes at all really are they? That's not a rhetorical question, I'm actually telling you that's the case - so no need to tell me your point of view as it's irrelevent to me.
Despite the GBH I suffered today, and having to ride along Pacific Coast Highway under 25mph because the fat man 'has a poorly knee' I count myself lucky I am not with the rest of you (the great unwashed) staring at the wasteland that is the UK right now. No doubt I have more pedestrian cycling to look forward to tommorow as pensioners in shopmobility chairs come past. I assume this is the case as the fat man seems to have aquired some Ultegra road wheels from Shimano USA to replace the Reynolds wheelset on these almost stationary training rides. I may as well suffer humiliation with only 'ultegra' wheels instead of the Reynolds. It amazes me how hard done by I am.
So just in case you missed it, I am here - you are not.