I am here, you are not

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I am here, you are not

Postby The Black Bomber » 15 Jan 2010 06:04

Yes that's right, I am here and you are not. Being the uber carbon bike porn I am openly mocking you from the stratospheric high horse I place myself on.

Of course its not all easy out here, being ineffectively pushed around by the fat man is the price I have to pay for such surroundings. As if his useless pedaling wasn't enough, he's been eating pain killers like smarties for what appears to be a scratch on his knee. Idiot. What he fails to realise is that I engineered his 'accident' on the mountain. Having had to sit there and watch as the bikes with springs and knobbly tyres got all the action, I decided enough was enough. As I actually command the weather and elements (being a demi god) I forced him to fall off.

To make matters worse here I was pushed over today and my aero bar cracked by some daft cow. No idea who she is, but I think it's only right she snap a finger off. Eye for an eye and all that. I think she races bikes with knobbly tyres, which aren't bikes at all really are they? That's not a rhetorical question, I'm actually telling you that's the case - so no need to tell me your point of view as it's irrelevent to me.

Despite the GBH I suffered today, and having to ride along Pacific Coast Highway under 25mph because the fat man 'has a poorly knee' I count myself lucky I am not with the rest of you (the great unwashed) staring at the wasteland that is the UK right now. No doubt I have more pedestrian cycling to look forward to tommorow as pensioners in shopmobility chairs come past. I assume this is the case as the fat man seems to have aquired some Ultegra road wheels from Shimano USA to replace the Reynolds wheelset on these almost stationary training rides. I may as well suffer humiliation with only 'ultegra' wheels instead of the Reynolds. It amazes me how hard done by I am.

So just in case you missed it, I am here - you are not.
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Re: I am here, you are not

Postby The Black Bomber » 15 Jan 2010 06:29

You can't see the gaffa tape on my bars from here. I'm still waiting for my snapped finger from the female attacker.
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Re: I am here, you are not

Postby Priscilla Pashley » 15 Jan 2010 08:19

You are pathetic.

Highly strung, and extremely fragile. All you can do, so you claim, is go fast. And you can't even do that on your own. No wonder you are so frustrated.

Strong? You are so brittle that even an itsy bitsy girly wirly can break you, with her little finger.

And you haven't even a got a basket - what can you do with your so called aero bars? Hang some onions from them. That's not a question either, just a statement of fact.

Look at me. I've been around for years. Done more miles than you can dream of - slow and sure. I just get on with it, delivering comfort and reliability. And you can put flowers and kittens in my basket.

You are a miserable fantasist piece of rubbish.

Oh, this is what I am up to.

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Re: I am here, you are not

Postby 45Cdo » 15 Jan 2010 08:24

Warning all other bikes - A storm is coming - Something seriously 'dark' is being born in the Bridgtown caves.... :evil:
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Re: I am here, you are not

Postby Bendy Ben » 15 Jan 2010 10:39

Will we see photos soon?
Go on , give us a clue.
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Re: I am here, you are not

Postby S11 » 15 Jan 2010 10:42

this could decide into bike wars.... everyone's bike will be registering now and looking to kick ass..... nice girly bike... ace rider as well. :lol:
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Re: I am here, you are not

Postby ris » 15 Jan 2010 10:45

i've changed my mind about my next bike if the accessories are that attractive.
most disturbing in lycra, 2010, 2012, 2013
club champ 2015
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Re: I am here, you are not

Postby 45Cdo » 15 Jan 2010 10:46

I can only imagine the scene in Bridgtown – like the ones where we first see the orc army being created in Lord of the Rings – deep in the depths all fire, blood, toil and tears….. No clues….photo will come soon…
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Re: I am here, you are not

Postby S11 » 15 Jan 2010 11:14

come on... we need a clue dude....

Can't wait to see it.... hope its not a grifter or something tho :lol:
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Re: I am here, you are not

Postby 45Cdo » 15 Jan 2010 11:37

I'm now technically & officially bankrupt - that should be a clue.... :lol:
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